Listen to my stories. Some elements may be dramatized for comedic effect. Or not.
I don't remember the exact dates these stories happened, so these are roughly sorted from most recent to oldest.
My friend Xavier asked me if I liked elephants or donkeys more. I chose elephants because I thought they were way better than donkeys in every way. They have superior intelligence, higher strength, and they are much cuter. But I digress. After giving my answer, he accused me of being a Trump supporter because the republican party is represented with an elephant. Foolishly, I doubled down on this because I didn't like Hillary Clinton as a kid because I saw a video of her spitting green gooey phlegm into a cup of water one time and it was gross and I thought she was an alien. Most of the students at that school were Mexican so they got pretty mad. Whoops!
Our school hosted a book fair, just like every other year. Usually, I wouldn’t care enough to buy anything, but this time was different because I had found a Plants vs. Zombies comic book that I really really wanted. The next day, I asked my mom for five dollars to buy it and during lunch, I walked to the library, grabbed the comic, and went to check out. To my utter horror, the librarian said I didn’t have enough money because I needed to pay an extra quarter for tax. I asked, “Why?” She replied, “That’s just the way things are.” I spent the rest of the school day feeling foolish and dejected because it was the last day of the book fair and there was no way I was going to find a quarter in time. That was until a girl named Emily saved the day. Emily was a very cool gal because she would always laugh at my jokes and was very chill. One time, I accidentally drank her milk during lunch and she didn't even get mad. Anyway, I told her my situation, and she said, “Well, today’s your lucky day!” and materialized a quarter in the palm of her hand. When school ended, I bought that comic, and my life was saved. Thank you, Emily. If you are reading this, I am ready to pay you back. Moral of the story: ABOLISH TAXES! THEY SUCK!!!!
During class, we had free time to do whatever we wanted. I spent most of the time inventing a new language where I just offsetted the alphabet by one letter (A became Z, B became A, and so on). I had the bright idea to go up to people and translate their names into said language. The first person I went up to was Danielle. When I showed her it, she said "And this is your name in my language", took my whiteboard, and wrote "ugly" in all capital letters. For the record I am not ugly, I am very handsome. I have no idea why she did this. The only other interaction I've had with her was asking her why she wasn't here on the first day of school.
While playing Beach House Roleplay, this guy started going up to me and virtually humping me. The video below pretty much explains it all. I censored the word "gay" because I thought it was a horrible offensive slur because our teacher told us to stop calling the water fountain next to the restroom the "gay fountain" or else we would get detention. PS: This was in 2014. I no longer hold the opinions of me in 2014.
After recieving my very own laptop for my birthday, I was free to explore the internet as I please. I stumbled across Roblox through an ad while playing flash games or something. It looked interesting so I downloaded Roblox and played as a guest throughout late 2012 - early 2013. The very first game I played was a generic build to survive game that was Minecraft creeper themed. After a few months as playing as a guest, I got tired of people being mean to me because for some reason guests were really hated on back then. I asked my mom to create an account for me because I had no idea how, to which she obliged. The first game I played with this account was Lava Escape, which was a clone of Flood Escape but with lava instead of water.
Our teacher sent us to have naptime so she could talk with the principal in the corner of the room. I thought it would be funny if I woke up and started making rooster noises to try and wake people up. I went up to this kid named Pablo who was sleeping in the fetal position, got mere inches away from his ear, and started screaming. It was then when I accidentally drooled into his ear, basically giving him a wet willy. The teacher sentenced me to death by lethal injection.
Every year our school would have an event where they force us to dance to a song. The song the teacher chose was "Mi Burrito Sabanero". I was extremely upset that the song wasn't something cool like Skrillex or a Minecraft parody or something. I spent the entire day refusing to practice the dance, fantasizing about how cool dancing to Skrillex or a Minecraft parody would be instead. The next day I decided that I actually should practice it because I remembered that we would have to perform it for the entire school and I didn't want to look stupid.
This kid named Eddie did something to me which made me tell on him to the recess monitor. I pointed at him referring to him with she/her pronouns. The recess monitor corrected me and told me that Eddie is a boy so I should use "he" instead of "she". That was the day I realized that wokeness must be eradicated.
This girl named Kaitlyn and I were about to read a Where's Waldo book together. When I tried reading the name of the book, I hiccuped when I said "Waldo", which made Kaitlyn laugh. I spent the rest of the time trying to hiccup at the same time as I said "Waldo" in an attempt to make her laugh some more.
Our teacher pointed to a mirror and asked the class what the object was. I raised my hand and said "mirror" (But with a speech impediment that made it sound weird) and then this kid named Gabriel said "Thats not how you say it" and then I got sad. Because I knew. I knew it was the wrong way to pronounce it but I couldn't pronounce it correctly.
In pre-k, this kid named Daniel who I distinctly remember wearing a Julius The Monkey shirt mounted me like a horse on top of another horse while I was on all fours. That's it.